December 2021
A parents’ tip sheet for talking to children about author Chaim Walder and his books
By Dr. Rachel Dale, PsyD
Director of Psychology Services, Jewish Family Service of Clifton-Passaic
In consultation with Rabbinic Board Members of JFS
This tip sheet aims to be a general guide to help parents navigate discussing the aftermath of the tragic and distressing news that our community has learned regarding Chaim Walder. This tragedy is unique in that the alleged perpetrator of serious crimes was a prolific author of children’s books, including the Kids Speak series that are beloved by many and geared to teaching and connecting to children’s unique experiences.
If you have any questions or would like to speak to a counselor at JFS, please call 973-777-7638 x151.
- Open by asking your kids questions to see what they know. For school-age children and teens, you can ask what they have heard at school or from friends.
- Follow your child’s lead. If your child doesn’t seem interested or doesn’t want to talk about it at the moment, don’t push.
- Tell the truth, but share only as much as your child needs to know. Try to maintain a calm disposition to help kids feel safe. Don’t offer more details than your child is interested in.
- Listen carefully. For some kids, hearing about an upsetting event might make them worry, “Could I be next? Could that happen to me?” Older kids may have lots of questions. Focus on what your kids ask so you can help them cope with their concerns. An adult’s willingness to listen sends a powerful message.
- It’s OK to say you don’t know the answer. If your child asks a question that stumps you, say you’ll find out.
- Focus on facts about the current events. “We learned that the author of these books did some very bad things to others.”
- Acknowledge the role that this author may have had in their lives. “I know you really enjoyed his books.”
- Validate feelings. “It is ok to feel however you feel right now. You might feel sad. Sadness helps us process loss and change. You may be confused and that’s okay.”
- Encourage Communication. It is important that your children feel as though they can come to you to discuss what they hear about these events. Consider saying, “It is possible that kids you know will talk about this. If they say anything that you are not sure about, I want you to know that you can come to me (or other parent, Rebbe, teacher, trusted adult) and ask anything that is on your mind.”
- Ground in Safety: You may want to use this an opportunity to talk about protecting personal space. “I love you and I’m here for you. If you ever feel uncomfortable with someone, no matter who it is, you should distance yourself from them and tell a trusted adult. I will never be upset or angry with you if you share something like this with me.”